My different life

i sit around on a noon on Tuesday trying to watch MNF on my computer…

Could i ever imagined myself here? In a foreign country?

i think a lot about the good ole days. Sometimes i wish i didn’t have them. It makes the ordinary days just seem so…

Life seems so different than it was ten years ago.

i used to play basketball 3-4-5 times a week. i worked out 4 times a week. i would play bball for 5-6 hrs/week and work-out 4-5 hrs/wk. Back in highschool i played football or baseball or basketball every day.

 

And now, i do none of that. i play college football on the PS2 and fantasy sports. i love it, but i don’t actually exercise- maybe that is why i like it so much…

 

i suppose i could do more than my 15 minutes of stretching each day, but sometimes it hurts, and sometimes it’s tiring. Maybe i’m just getting old.

 

And then i think about how technological our world has become. Could you imagine if we had xanga or facebook or IM when i was in college? DANG.

 

i probably would have wrote about a lot of songs- i never realized how depressing they all are, until i started relistening to stuff this year. Pumpkins, nirvana, pearl jam, green day, soul assylum…

 

i used to get into deep conversations at every meal, and i loved ministry. Everything i learned about God was fresh and exciting.

i don’t think life is anywhere close to what i imagined it to be.

And yet, some things are the same. Things i wish were not. i still struggle with depression and what people think of me and lonliness.

Certainly God gives peace and joy. Yet, i am groaning for so much more. Perhaps, most i look back and long for what used to be, but i suppose i should be groaning for what is going to come.