2-3 weeks ago, things started to get kinda intense around here. and for about 2-3 weeks i felt absolutely paralyzed!
i get all excited when i have a lot to do- it’s kinda like my goal: to be busy- what a bad goal.
Then i realize how much there is to do, i get overwhelmed. i don’t know what to do first…. so i don’t do anything… or at least nothing productive
i make to do lists and schedules, but i don’t actually get down to work.
Then, i do something to ease my mind, like play the PS2- which helps nothing at all- and i feel even more overwhelmed. And i have to rewrite my schedule
Part of the problem, is having to set things up with other people, but i’m too afraid to set things up, but what if i make the wrong choice… so what do i do? i do nothing.
The one thing i need to do: is something- anything… but i tend to spiral downward
Then i feel guilty for not measuring up. And cower into the fetal position…
Guilt is an interesting thing. God has freed us from guilt. i should be able to live in His freedom. But sometimes the feeling of guilt comes from the fact we are guilty, and i need to repent.
More though, i think the thing i feel guilty about is not the big problem. The fact that i feel guilty shows me i am not resting in God’s grace, and i am still trying to prove myself to Him… or to myself- and that needs to be repented of most of all.