“… I must have bad luck or something…” ~ Eric
“Son. Bad things don’t happen to you because you have bad
luck. Bad things happen to you, because: you’re a dumbass.” ~ Red Foreman (That
We are a culture of blame. If something goes wrong, we have
to give a reason for it. We come up with excuses. Or we look for someone to
blame. Maybe it was person we don’t know who took too long. Or it was an
outside circumstance, like the internet being slow. Perhaps, it was our parents
for not raising us, or our leaders for not giving us enough information or
pushing us too hard. And if all else fails- then surely it is God’s fault.
Because we all know it wasn’t mine.
I like to blame something. I like to say I would have done
it, or got it right, I just didn’t understand the question, or I assumed you
knew what I meant, or I was sick. Maybe you’ve heard “It was late, I wasn’t
thinking.” “This guy was in my
way…” “You didn’t say it like that”
I try to rationalize all the stupid things I do. I try to
show that I’m really not that dumb or irresponsible.
Maybe for me, I’m just trying to cover some insecurity, so
people don’t look down on me, I mean, I feel like they already do, why give
them more reason?
I guess I know I’m a sinner, and I need help, I need a
Savior. But I don’t like to admit I’m a dumbass as well.
I mean I know we all do dumbass things, I just don’t want
everyone to know it. Most will think it anyway, but perhaps I can convince a
few people I’m not a big of an idiot as I actually am.
Including myself. I don’t want to own it. I am not
responsible in this sense- in owning my mistakes, my stupid decisions, my sin.
If I can find some outside factor to blame- that’s the best
(being sick, or tired, or a random person no one knows, the internet)
I may blame someone else (I didn’t understand b/c you didn’t
make sense (you were mumbling, you spoke too fast, it sounded weird out of your
mouth…) or b/c of something someone did, caused me to act in sin
And often, I yell at God for not making things go right, or
that my decision cost me… I mean, I prayed…
Philip Yancy described the Gospel as “We’re all oddballs but
God loves us anyway… and quoting someone else “we’re all bastards, but God
loves us anyway”
I guess, I’m not just a sinner, I’m a dumb ass. I’m as stubborn as a mule, as ignorant as a donkey.
I have made many mistakes along the way- even today (yes, many today), and God
loves me anyway.
I need to take ownership of my mistakes, instead of trying
to rationalize them, or blame something.
With my sin, it is easy to say “God forgive me of the sins I
committed today” but it is a lot harder to be specific. Not because there weren’t
specific ways I sinned today- but b/c then I have to admit that I did actually
But confessing specific sin, would be so much more powerful,
and bring about so much more growth- yet, how little I really confess very
And I need to be ok that I am a dumb ass, and I will do dumb
things. God still loves me, and God will take care of me too.
And ya know what, even with all the mistakes I made today,
somehow God used it, and it may have actually turned out for the best (maybe
because I was being a dumb ass to begin with…)
Thank God for the God
who loves morons like me.