the one on Janurary 19

i feel the need to write something, though maybe none will feel the need to read… and though i don’t really have one topic to write about… maybe i should copy Shunta’s 4 things she is thankful for…  i should be more thankful… i do feel like i could update my facebook status 4 times a day… a lot has happened, and yet, not much at all

This may be one of the most frustrating 2-3 week stretch i’ve gone thru in recent time. You know the internet doesn’t really work, then i got really sick- deabilitating sickness even- and a violent cough that would keep me up at night and cause my back to swell up in even more pain… and it’s just super cold.

The bigger frustration has been trying to arrange travel plans- the internet being out does not help. Some of the airlines don’t offer an option to pay online- this sucks. And it seems like all the flights have filled up- an hour after they were available! That’s the worst. i call, flight is available, i call a friend to check, call back, flight is full. i also reserved one ticket- but have not gotten a confirmation email- everyone else did- but i did not. i sent them an email, but they haven’t responded. Do i go buy another ticket? but i don’t want to get charged twice!

Furthermore, today my computer plug fried… AGAIN! it went out last year, i got a new one in June with a 3 month warranty, a couple weeks back in this country and it stopped working again. They got me a new one, but 3-4 months later, it’s gone again- this time they couldn’t get me a new one, it was too long- barely, but too long.
i am using Ben’s computer now, but what will i do tomorrow?

by the way, i am still grieving that my HD crashed in November- 2 years of pictures and journal entries are gone…

In all this, it is kinda hard to really trust God. i’m ok with the money i guess. i don’t really care about money. So, the tickets cost an extra 75- big deal. So i have to spend $700 on a new computer. And more on other stuff. i’m not a big spender, and i trust God is going to provide.

This is the issue, i can get upset about the money and be afraid, or i can trust God will provide all i need. So, even if i lose money or i have a camera stolen like i did  last year- i can trust God will take care of me.

It’s harder when plans don’t go right, when i feel like an idiot, or when my time is taken away from me. i have to trust God with this too. i have to trust God wanted someone else to get to Singapore before i did. That maybe He wants me on a flight to meet someone. i don’t know. i have to trust Him. Trust He is in control.

Sometimes i feel like computers are not in the realm of God’s control. He didn’t create computers- man invented it- so maybe, it is out of His realm. He can’t answer the prayers about them, He can’t control the problems- It is not His expertise. i suppose this is foolish to think the all-powerful God doesn’t know anything about computers, but seriously, i feel like computers come from the devil sometimes.

i love watching scrubs.
i really do. It makes me laugh, it makes me think, it makes me cry.

One of the last episodes was comparing life to a sitcom. Everything in a sitcom works out in the end- but not in real life. In  real life, conflict doesn’t get resolved as easily. In real life miscommunication is not as funny. In real life, difficult mundane things happen that affect everything else. In real life, bad things aren’t always resolved in the end. Real life sucks.

i find i like to take naps or sleep- b/c i can control my dreams, and they are usually pleasant- if not, i just wake up.
i also like to play the PS2. i can control that too. And if i lose, no biggie.
If nothing else, i eat a cookie.
And often i just think- then say i’m praying.

i need to pray more, i need to take more things to God. i need to deal with life better.

i am thankful for good friends- emails and phone calls are appreciated- and my team here.
i am thankful for God’s patience with me.
i am thankful for laughter and the times my life does feel like a sitcom, and even those times it seems like a reality tv show- even if it is not pleasant.
i am thankful i was sick, for computer problems and all of life’s frustrations. i am thankful God is in control

Pray for me, and my walk, and all the sin in me to go away. Pray i’d be loving and encouraging and full of hope and joy. Pray i’d speak words of life, not tear down. Pray i’d fall more in love with the Lord and His word. Pray i could and would be myself and be real, no matter how it is perceived by others. Pray i’d glorify the Lord in all i do, and all my decisions too.

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4 thoughts on “the one on Janurary 19

  1. Sorry to hear about the computer issues.  You seriously lost all your journal entries and pictures?  Thanks for the updates.  I’m praying for you. : )

  2. Scrubs actually has some good things to say.  I like how they tie everything in at the end.  And they make it funny.  Unfortunately I missed the musical episode this week because it was on the same time as Grey’s Anatomy.

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