i think i’m a nice guy. The problem is if you’re normally nice, then there is no room for error.
If you’re a jerk or don’t really care, then people know you don’t care. People excuse you b/c it’s just the way you are.
But a person like me- it’s not the way i am, and so, it’s noticed.
i have come to the conclusion that things i say or do that offend people, would not be offensive coming from someone else- and that sucks. i am now held to a higher standard.
There are two options- be a jerk, and have people say “oh, it’s just mookie” And then when i do something nice- everyone will notice and compliment me.
Or i could be a nice guy, do the right thing, and have it be expected of me, and get noticed when i mess up.
The former would be a lot more enjoyable. Life would be easier on my end. But the latter would be better for others- i think. Maybe i set people up for disappointment, i set the bar too high.
My problem is: i’m selfish, i hate disappointing people, i like my life to be pleasant. Yet, to love and serve others is what we’re called to do. i wish i could just do it cheerfully, wanting nothing in return and never mess up.