On flirting

Well,. since my 6 readers have commented, we can move to the next blog… and my hot question of the week here in Thailand.

It was brought on as last week, we had an opportunity to visit an old disc while traveling and Julie asked if she liked anyone… whihc made me wonder- what do girls talk about next?

Guys will then discuss what to do next- if the guy should pursue the girl or his uncertainties or what to do. But what about girls? They don’t go and ask the guy out for a coke…

So the question: What do girls do if they like a guy? And as a guy what do you want a girl to do?

 

i really don’t know what girls do- i think there has been one, maybe 2 maybe 3 girls who have been interested in me. Once in college, my roommate Mark asked me “What do you do when a girl goes out of your way to talk to you?” i said “I don’t know, that’s never happened to me before!”

The frist common answers from the girls were: “Nothing” and then “find ways to be where he is”
Then yesterday, a girl said “Avoid him.”

If the last is the case, then i think a lot of girls must have and now do like me – woohoo!

I’m not sure what i’d want a girl to do… but it is nice to have a sense a girl i like may like me too. It’s a fine line – b/c too little and the guy feels the girl doesn’t like him and backs off, too much, and it freaks out a guy…or at least me.

One of my staff friends said girls ned to learn how to flirt… he may be right…

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10 thoughts on “On flirting

  1. Well, tell your staff friend to start offering flirting lessons, and I’ll be one of his first customers. I can’t do it. I’m too shy and scared, so I usually end up either avoiding the guy or acting as normal as possible around him. And one of the reasons I avoid is because I’m scared he’s going to read it all over my face. Just one example… I was helping out at, you guessed it, a staff conference where good guys come in bulk, and I was talking to a couple of women I knew, and then a few guys walked past us. I saw “him” out of the corner of my eye, but kept talking and tried to act normal. But then one of the women leaned in and whispered “There was someone in that group that you liked, wasn’t there?” I also think girls should do nothing, at least nothing that involves chasing down and falling all over the guy. Sorry, but I want to be the one pursued. And the other makes you look desparate. But yes, it’s very frustrating just having to sit here and not act on all of these feelings. Other things I do if I like a guy:-wear my hair down if I think there a possibility of seeing him. (But if it’s someone I’m around daily, screw that!)-wear tennis shoes (ok, sounds stupid, but it decreases my chances of tripping and increases the chance that I’ll be shorter than him.)-facebook stalking-pine awayOver all, unless I either a.) hear straight from the guy (which has never happened), or b.) from a very reliable source (which has only happened a couple of times), I just assume he is not interested. And then I cry myself to sleep.

  2. Oh, and I also wanted to share a favorite quote on this topic. One of the single staff men I used to work with, who was just so sensitive to girls’ feelings, used to say when he found out about our crushes: “You like So-and-so? Does he even know you exist?” I know, just so sweet of him, right? So then my friend and I started saying “He knows I’m alive, he just doesn’t care!”I also stopped telling him who I liked.

  3. when i like a guy, i just try to be around him. and i try to make him laugh. and be taken with me. so far it hasn’t worked, but i figure that eventually (as God sovereignly ordains) one of them will see that they just can’t live without me!i just read a magazine article about flirting. (its in february’s Real Simple.) and at first i thought, who needs a magazine article on “how to flirt”? you either know how to flirt or you don’t. i think some people have naturally more flirtatious personalities than others and are generally just playful and flirty with everyone- guys and girl friends alike!but alas, i did read the article- with mixed motives. first to make fun of it and secondly to see if there might just be anything worth trying out. not that i’m like seriously going to start conducting “flirting experiments” or anything, but you know, just to brush up on all the latest techniques… keep my skills sharp.a few highlights of the article were:-a definition of flirting- “the art of engaging the interest of someone we find interesting and delightful by being delightful ourselves.”-the bill clinton technique- apparently whenever he is talking to someone he focuses all of his attention on that person and on what they are saying (this just seems like good communication skills to me.)-the quote by a 7-year-old girl, who said, “whats the big deal? just go for it… if you see a boy you like, you just grab him and drag him along!”

  4. good question…  the bane of the single woman 🙂  what DO you do?  my friend gina laughed when someone asked her how she and her husband got together, and she said in this very knowing way, “oh, i made my presence known….”
    i agree that some girls just seem to instinctively know how to do this.  they seem to be the married ones 🙂  i also think that an ability to suspend self-awareness and a general level of comfort and confidence makes flirting much easier.  of course, you can “make your presence known” over and over to someone you like, and they just might not be interested in you.  and in that case, it kind of sucks, cause you just have to figure it out yourself.  at least if you ask someone out (which, again, not so much of an option for girls as for guys) you have your answer and can get on with your life…
    i’d add another answer to your question, though, one which i think is far and away the most common thing that girls DO after they’ve acknowledged to a friend that they like someone… they overanalyze EVERYTHING in trying to find an answer to their question (whether or not he’s interested.)  Sad, true.

  5. I think most guys and girls are all clueless. I think it’s a miracle when two people fall in love and get married. It reminds me that there is a God. Maybe i only think that cuz I’m clueless. I just want to find some girl that’s sweet and has an adventurous spirit – like someone who would enjoy spontaneously driving an hour, hiking up some mountain just to watch the sun set. And someone who’s just in love with me. Find me someone like that and I’ll marry her in a heartbeat.


  6. Great topic, Mookie.  I have been the beneficiary of different approaches over the years.   One of the more unique happened to me a little over a year ago when a female acquaintance divulged her feelings for me in mixed company at dinner gathering of friends after church.  What made her tactic even more unusual was that she addressed those feelings to my mother.  If I may quote her, she pronounced “You better get to know me because I am going to marry your son.”  Bold… certainly, rash… perhaps, memorable… enormously.  We could quibble over her methodology but I do give her credit for making her interest known.  Once men reach their mid-twenties, in settings such as a reasonably-sized church, it is difficult to figure out who is even available to pursue romantically.  Willingness and confidence to engage in conversation is always a gentle start to letting a guy know you are interested.  The body language a girl then uses will clue the guy into attraction.  In your case, Mook, I think that you will be good-to-go when you wake up one morning with Buttercup sleeping at the foot of your bed.

  7. This is from Jody and Adrienne – a joint comment from the new staff training computer lab in Daytona…woohoo!!! Hmmm…if we like a guy. Well, we’ve decided that it’s frustrating when we do like a guy because we can’t really do anything about it. We know we can always pull a “Ruth” and lay at Boaz’s feet, but that just seems shady, and probably taking that passage out of context (ie: Ruth was not written by God as a dating manual for women). But what’s even MORE frustrating is when we like a guy AND seem to be getting mixed signals from him…ie: he seems to be interested…but then he doesn’t say anything. And we’re left with this feeling of wanting to be “available” for him to pursue us….because we do really want him to pursue…but he’s not saying anything, so how long to we keep investing and remaining “available”. I know Henry Cloud would call this social immaturity, and would tell us that’s why we aren’t dating. This is what I have to say about that…who’s really socially mature anyway? Maybe when we’re in Heaven, we’ll finally understand what it’s like to be socially mature. But until then, we’re just having to choose in God’s Sovreignty, and that we can’t thwart God’s plans! And hope that someday we’ll like a guy who likes us at the same time!

  8. From Detroit – here’s what we’re thinking! This is from Martha and roommate, A. – facebook stalking – guilty. It’s too easy to get into your network and see who else is there…maybe this could create an opportunity for “talking” about common interests but it also seems risky. – On the def of flirting – I think it’s okay to a degree to be an open and delighting person. We need to be approachable, not scaring men away. But I tend to be an avoider not an approachable person, I think. I agree with this earlier comment – i also think that an ability to suspend self-awareness and a general level of comfort and confidence makes flirting much easier. Yes! This is like getting outside of yourself, or getting over yourself. Why can’t we just hang out and do things together to get to know each other? Chances are very great that you will eventually marry someone who you have talked with and hung out with before. 🙂 Okay, and onto what else can a girl do to find a guy? I read a lot on my favorite website: http://www.boundless.org, and they address this kind of topic frequently. In fact, Candice Watters who founded the webzine has recently written a book on this topic. She advocates praying, doing things you enjoy doing with other people, and also letting other people know that you are interested in finding a guy. In doing that, you’ve increased your social network, and in asking older, wiser women to keep an eye out for you (or also including older, wiser men in that number) you can trust their judgment. It also puts the responsibility on them to encourage the guy to contact you. Unless, like me, you hear from someone that they think their brother is perfect for you. I asked her how old he was: 40. Then she said that he also was not a believer, and currently is a snowboarding instructor not living in the Detroit area. I need to follow up on that and see why she thinks we would be a good match, as there are some great differences. But she would be one of those older, wiser women that I want to have on the lookout for me. So, better luck next time? I don’t know. I think I am in the middle of trying to figure out in my current world what does it look like for me to be available for discovery, but not manipulating situations? How intentional can I be without manipulating? That’s more the question for me. good stuff, Mookie. It’s stuff we are all thinking about but rarely have a forum to talk about…

  9. shoot i just wrote a long story and it got deleted… but maybe it was to protect the innocent… God is sovereign – even over deleted comments and posts…basically i wrote that guys can’t read signals, and most of the signals giurls send are so mixed. One of my friends says he can always tell when a girl likes him, unless he likes her… those darn feelings get in the way… and we overanalyze too.In the end we have to man-up though, even if we don’t know if the girl like us… but that leads to the next post

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