My biggest fears

Well, it’s time for my yearly post from the Samui airport- the best airport in the world!

i am sad to leave yet another place… so beautifyul here, and so relaxing – this IS vacation.

i enjoyed the people, the sun, the waves, the stars, and my mo-ped.

i even got sun burnt… i’m convinced i don’t burn… but i got dark yesterday! and my nose is peeling… but it doesn’t hurt, so did i get burnt?

i got into the ocean once- throwing the football around i’ll do anything… and got into the pool for a swim lesson once as well.

i don’t think people realize how terrifying and humiliating getting into a pool is.

i mean, three times i have been pulled out of the water, it is not a pleasant experience.

So, getting in the water is a step of faith and act of humility- consideribng 3 year olds do what i do and aren’t afraid…

The thing is, i know i have nothing to fear. i know i can stand up and be ok. i know there are people around me, and even the person teaching me is standing right there. Still, i hate it. i hate the feeling. i don’t like water going up my nose or into my ears. And i don’t like holding my breath at all.

If you dare try to teach me, i warn you, it wil be difficult. You must be patient.

i do say getting into the pool teaches me about faith, and how often i have faith, but don’t. i need learn ruthless trust as Brennan Manning would say.

At one point Andrew told me i was being irrational, and i just wanted to quit. Don’t tell me that. i know i’m being irrational. i don’t need that, i need encouragment and grace. Props to Andrew thugh for going out there and teaching me.

 

i tried to compare what this is like- i think me swimming would be like Lindsey being in the middle of a cornfield at night having to give a theological dissertation or Ben being naked and sharing his deepest feelings… or Felicia jumping out of a plane…

This is not easy…

i’ve come to realize there are a lot of fears in my life, and i’m dominated by most of them… i have overcome some- like public speaking, talking with new people, talking with cute girls, sharing my faith, opening up with people… but still there are many more fears…

Here are my biggest fears, though not all these really effect me, i still rank them…

12. missing an opportunity
11. getting ripped off/ wasting money
10. conflict/conflict resolution
  9. being under water
  8. friends not coming to Christ
  7. being alone the rest of my life  
  6. being rejected by a girl
  5. snakes
  4. hurting someone’s feelings
  3. making the wrong decision/choice and missing out on what God has/wants for me… settling may come in here… but really any and all decisions
  2. dating someone and it not working out and having to break up, or a friendship being ruined… awkwardness
  1. the whole Bible and God and Jesus not being true

#8 would be greater, but i have come to trust in the sovereignty of God in salvation, and place His glory above my own delight
#6 apparently is greater than #7… but really i think it could apply to guy friendships too
#5 may be thye biggest fear really
and #1 is #1 because i hyave staked my whole life on it!

What are your biggest fears?

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One thought on “My biggest fears

  1. i think you got burnt. because i remember last year my nose/face was peeling when we were in phi phi. i didn’t feel burnt, but they(the other white people) told me i was probably burnt a little.  🙂 
    thanks for sharing your fears with us… i absolutely love your vulnerability, mookie!

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