On being an verbal/external processor

i had a revelation the other day while talking with Jackie & Felicia… i’m a verbal processor. i mean i process a lot thru writing, and maybe i am not as extreme as others… but i may not be as extreme as others because i ahve conditioned myself…

As the three of us talked, it just resonated in our souls… and it was eye-opening to me, in understanding myself and how i connect with people…

Here are the implications of being a verbal processor

1. We feel like we’re always talking – and maybe we are. So, then we stop talking, even though we’re not done with our thought. We feel like we are a bother to people. And we wait for someonbe to ask us a question or let us keep talking. And when they don’t our fears are realized and we feel like we need to change ourselves, and don’t feel the freedom to be who we are

2. Because we process verbally, we haven’t quite figured out our feelings & thoughts yet. We need to talk thru them. And so, we can’t really express our feelings. And our feelings and statements change or our modified or flushed out as we talk… or ramble… We can have extreme statments…
All this makes it hard for people to follow us and understand us… and several people give up on.
And this is why i feel like i’m not being vulnerbale enough, and why i don’t feel undferstood. People think they understand me perhaps, but they don’t, they can’t possibbly.
People give up way too easily on conversation with me.
They’re trying to solve my problem, i’m still processing.
They’re freaking out, i’m still figuring things out.

3. Since we like to be drawn out, we like to draw others out. We tend to be good listeners and ask more questions. We externally process and assume others do too. i still think verbalizing something is really helpful, verbnal processor or not. i ask the questions because i want to help people grow and learn and because i want to know and understand them… maybe i should do it less…

4. BEcause we talk a lot and listen well, many feel very connected to us. Yet, we don’t feel that connected to many. We haven’t actually processed, we don’t feel understood. We feel like we give a lot, without getting much in return.

What this all means

1. i need people to help me process. i need friends to ask me questions and to wait on me. i’ve told most of my friends this already, but i need to reaffirm that.

2. i need to become more comfortable talking with people, even when i feel like i’m talking a lot. i can apologize but explain myself and keep talking. i need to give myself freedom for not fully understanding my feelings


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