The two ladders

Well, it is valentine’s day, so let me write about this, that we talked about brielfy yesterday…

(This book by the way seems very helpful, and just about every guy here has read part or all of it).

Apparently girls have 2 ladders, guys have one. Girls have a friendship ladder and a dating ladder. Guys have one: a dating ladder.

Apparently girls put a guy on one of these ladders from the get-go. A guy only has one intention- well… any girl he interacts with he may consider dating.

It’s true. even the girls i say i would never date- still cross my mind. And i am likely to spend more time with girls i think i would be more likely to date…

As for me, i get stuck on the friendship ladder all the time – and i have no idea how to jump ladders.

My conclusion, i need to be a jerk to girls from the get-go.

It is similar to what Char and i used to talk about. There is a safe guy, dangerous, and mysterious. Mysterious is the best.

When i worked at McDonalds in highschool gave me this theory hang out with cool people and say hi to all the good-looking girls. It sounds bad, but i think i ahve adopted this strategy. i spend time with the guys i think are fun and deep. i probably need to stop being friends with girls, and start just saying hi…

In honor of Brent, a day after his birthday… “becoming all things to all women that i may date some”

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8 thoughts on “The two ladders

  1. I have never heard the ladder thing before. So that’s why I don’t get asked out… I’m not “ladder worthy”. That’s ok, I’m scared of heights, I’d rather stay on the ground anyway.That ending quote is hilarious.

  2. The guy’s ladder seems straightforward: good friend = datable.
    The whole theory exists just to explain this bizzare thing that girls do in *actually* having a “just friends” category, and breaking some poor scmuck’s heart because he thought he was “in.” 
    “You say that I am your best friend, a real sweet guy, and that’s all I’ll ever be” – The Ataris, ‘Your boyfriend sucks’
    And Mookie, I think it’s right on: the only ways I’ve seen to ensure that you’re on the right ladder when things start up are being a cocky jerk or cooly ignoring her.  The former may risk be undatably low on the ladder (Sam actually talked with her disc’er on Picnic about how she disliked me to the point of not wanting to be on my team, at the beginning of the summer), but the latter (punned) is too hard to pull off if one is not amazing at it – and I’m not.

  3. I don’t know how women think…I don’t even care when it comes to dating.  All I can do is fix my eyes on Christ, be the Godly man that He called me to be, and pray that the right girl will find the genuine me attractive.  We can’t be afraid to face rejection as men. We must pursue with confidence, humility, and integrity the women whose personality attracts us and character most reflects Christ.  When I find the love of my life, I doubt I will spend much time worrying about the women who stuck me on the friend ladder.

  4. being a jerk doesn’t help all that much. twenty five years and counting… no rings. sigh. in other news, what ladder{etc.} do you put girls that you are in no way attracted to but still hang out with? ladderless?

  5. otter 41 has a good answer! when it comes down to it, thats all you can do. thats pretty freeing, i think!and i think if you act like what you concluded you should act like (a jerk)- then that pretty much guarantees your position on a third ladder- the jerk ladder- which no self-respecting girl will touch with a 10 foot pole. (and no self-respecting guy wants a girl who doesn’t respect herself!)in some of the best words ever spoken about being a man, may i quote “say anything”: “no. don’t be a guy, Lloyd. the world full of guys. be a man!”

  6. Well, this originally came from Steve (Qing Jiao Tu)… and the girls say it could be an awkward first interaction… but as a lot of people say, you can get into the “friend zone”Billy, the theory is we guys have one ladder. If we never consider dating her, she just stays way at the bottom…Zach, i think i agree with you and Crosby, but not in practice… because i guess i am too convinced or convicted we need to love people and treat them like Christ regardless of how they treat us and feel about us.Of course Paul (otter 41) has that great response, which is why he’s like the one person in my life who puts me in my place, and best friend…One guy during the week said switching ladders isn’t too hard… it just takes making the jump. But i guess i have jumped and fallen… and the gap from going up one wall to the other seems pretty difficult eh? but, i won’t act like a jerk, it just feels like as Ben once said “nice guys get the shaft”

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