The inconvenience

Marc Christie would always say “As Ryan VanDuyn would say
‘but that would be inconvenient and as well all know, inconvenience is the
worst thing possible’”

With one week left and a lot to do, everything seems inconvenient, i wish i had one more day…

Yes, we hate inconvenience. We love our conveniences. We
live for what is convenient most of the time. And we would never want to be an
inconvenience.

 

I think this last month i have learned that i am a weakling
and a wimp. It’s true. There’s no reason to sugar coat it or to try to make
ourselves feel better. We’re all weakling whether we realize it or not. And i’m
a wimp. I have so little faith in God. And i need God’s grace more than ever. I
may be a wimp and weakling, but God’s grace can pull me thru. Paul may be chief
of sinners, i am chief of weaklings!

 

But i think i also find that i view myself as an
inconvenience. I have too many problems for people to care about. I have too
many needs and high standards of my friends. I am weak, and thus i
inconvenience people. People have to put up with my high ideals, my silly
passions, my long-winded thoughts and blogs, my enormous amount of questions. I
am just an inconvenience.

 

I think this is a wrong view of myself. But i feel it. There
are a couple of people out there i don’t feel this way with. My parents. My friend
Brent. My friends Paul, Kevin, B, Brack, Marc and Ken most of the time – but
even those guys i can feel it sometimes. Especially since i know they’re busy
or have families or sometimes not on the same page as me or have their own
problems. Still, they make time for me. They let me vent sometimes. They care
about me. I am thankful for these people in my life.

 

And yes, i feel like those people have showed love, but the
problem lies within me more than other people. As i start to view myself as an
inconvenience, i don’t open up. I don’t ask people for help. I don’t share my
life. I don’t initiate. I don’t show weakness. And as i said, i am the chief of
all weaklings already. People can handle weakness and problems and
insecurities, but can they handle me?

 

I need to move away from this embrace myself for who i am
and be weak in front of others and not see myself as an inconvenience even if i
do inconvenience people sometimes. Because i know with my friends, even if it
is inconvenient timing, my good friends are never an inconvenience to me!

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2 thoughts on “The inconvenience

  1. You know! You understand! I am glad I am not the only one out there who things like that in the listening/being talked at/needing questions category. 🙂 Next conference I see you.. we can just be really good listeners and ask each other lots of questions.. 🙂 Good combo. 🙂 haha.

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