i’m down in air-conditioned florida.
The first night Ken picked me up at the airport and we came in a few minutes late to the orientation party.
There were a lot of people there, and i felt like i knew most of them. And then, even more people came up to me claiming to have met me before…
i didn’t make it very far past the registration table… actually, i never made it past the registration table, i did move a few feet back towards the door, but i never got further than like 7 feet into the room. Crazy. And fun.
i don’t think i finished any one conversation. i got a lot of hugs, which i like. Though some girls would only give side-hugs, whatever.
I hadn’t seen some of them in 3 years, 2 years or at least a year… it was kinda weird.
Truth be told, it was a little intimidating, and a little bit overwhelming.
So much to catch up on, so many people to talk to.
i think i prefer smaller groups and deeper conversations… or inside jokes…
Really, i feel like my first day at X-track has been indicative of my entire summer since returning to the states.
i get kinda overwhelmed by people. i don’t know what to say really. i don’t know where to start. And though i am glad to see people and want to see people, i also kinda dread going to see people or being with people. i kinda rather be alone, or just communicate thru the internet or something… weird.
i have also found i’m very indecisive. i can’t make a decision about anything.
People ask me what i want to eat, and i can’t think of anything- everything sounds good.
We go shopping, and i want to buy everything… then decide i don’t need any of it and get nothing instead.
And i can’t ever make a decision to do anything and wind up doing nothing or rushing to get something way later.
i wind up going the same places over and over again.
Not only am i indecisive, but i can’t seem to initiate anything. i just wait for someone else to say something to me. i want people to ask me questions or show interest in me. i just kinda sit around or something- or so i feel.
i am indecisive, not initiating, and seeing the importance of intentionality.
Somehow, people still like me.
i’m looking forward to this summer and hoping to become a normal person sooner or later
(oh and i had another blog i wanted to write, but then i figured that is just way too not safe to write about- though this may not be either, oh well. if you want more mookie, send me an email).