Recently been really liking the song “Trust in You” by Lauren Daigle.
Combined with looking at Habakkuk recently, makes me think a lot about faith.
Well, that and our own lives.
We are currently raising support, and we want to see God do big things, so we pray.
This last year or two in fact we have prayed a lot of things.
And sometimes we see God answer.
Sometimes it is quite evident God is faithful.
Then, there are our kids – who continued to have nightmares or wake up in the middle of the night every night. Back pain, sickness, conflicts, troubles. A slow ministry. And sometimes i wonder…
Support raising hasn’t been bad. We have seen God provide. Still, with such a large amount to raise, we begin to wonder- how will it all come in?
We believe in God, we believe He is a good and big and powerful God. We believe He answers prayers and He is faithful.
Yet, we struggle. We doubt. We lack faith.
It seems much easier to remember the disappointments and the times God didn’t answer prayer. All the times we have had to wait. All the times we felt let down.
Sometimes it just feels like i am talking to the air.
It feels like wishful thinking, or positive thinking, or convincing myself or giving myself a pep talk.
Is God there?
Sometimes i don’t want to pray big, so that i can give God an excuse. If i don’t pray, then God can’t let me down. But if I actually ask for something big, something only He can do, well, then, then I will see that He doesn’t answer prayer, perhaps He isn’t real.
But does God need my help? my defense? If He is real, He can handle any problem. Nothing is too big for Him.
I seem to be like Abraham pretending Sarah is my sister- and only putting her in danger, not fully trusting God.
When I pray, I give God an opportunity to show up, to reveal His greatness and power and care and provision, and sovereignty and love.
But truth be told, i don’t often trust God to be those things. i rely on myself. I give God lip-service.
So, perhaps i need to pray BIG things.
…Not that just that God would provide the bare minimum support needs- but enough so we don’t go into panic mode when an emergency strikes, enough so we can give generously to others without a second thought, enough so we can do special things for our family, enough so we can scholorship students to conferences and pay for baby-sitters, and go on any mission trip
…not just for a house in downtown, but a house that has everything we need – enough bedrooms for our growing family, space to invite people over, good heat, a good-sized kitchen, space to park, a neighborhood people wouldn’t feel terrified to come visit and that our kids would feel safe in, a little yard, a fence, and a garage. Could God provide?
…How about when i pray for a person – do i just pray for a good conversation? Or do i pray for God to change & transform a person? Do i ask God to bring someone to Christ, to make them a disciple, to use them to not only come to Christ, but to lead others to Christ as well?
but i digress… see i want to pray in such a way that even if You don’t answer, You don’t answer the way i think or want – i want to still trust You.
More than wanting what I pray for, I want to know You, I want deeper relationship with You, I want stronger faith in You.
Several years ago when i was at UofM, we had a faith week – where we prayed for big things, we prayed for God to move in people’s hearts. And we prayed A LOT.
But we didn’t see God answer. There weren’t many conversations, and no decisions for Christ.
The students who planned the week, couldn’t understand, they were disappointed.
In a flash of insight, I commented- maybe this is what God wanted to increase our faith.
Isn’t that what we said we wanted this week to be about -to grow our faith?
Well, what makes our faith grow more than having to trust God and continue to pray after He doesn’t answer the way we thought He would?
This takes more faith.
God grows our faith by answering prayers. Then He grows our faith by stretching our faith.
And Habakkuk 3 is one of my favorite passages of Scripture
and even if…
And though we don’t…
Yet I will rejoice
I will take joy in the God of my salvation
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
19 God, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
And even though she sounds like an old lady in this song, i really love the song “Trust in You”
The verses are powerful as well, but i’ll end with the chorus
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!